Idioms From An Idiot, Part II

Even after my first informative article on this subject, you may still find several common idioms bamboozling your brain cells. However, fear not. I, Master of All Knowledgeable Things Ever, shall once again explain to you the meanings of commonly misunderstood figures of speech to enlighten your mind.

FOOT IN YOUR MOUTH

            It is a well-known fact that children possess more intellect and instinct than adult humans will ever know. Human infants are born with the innate knowledge that sucking on one’s own foot is not only a great way to clean it, but an everlasting source of entertainment. However, as humans mature, they are conditioned to view this behavior as inappropriate in sophisticated circles of adults. This is why they compare the act of saying something immature to putting one’s foot in one’s mouth, and view both of these activities in a negative light. However, it can also be used as an indicator of true friendship in one’s acquaintances; if your friend lets you physically put your own foot in your own mouth to amuse yourself and accepts you for your wisdom, you’ll know that he or she is a keeper.

IN A PICKLE

                        When someone says that they are in a pickle, most people interpret that to mean that they are in a difficult situation. However, in the year 4000 BCE, “in a pickle” was the highest compliment one could receive. Pickles were invented around this time, and were considered a great delicacy. The longer the cucumber was pickled, the greater its intensity; therefore, being in a pickle means that you are an intensely zealous and enthusiastic person.

RAINING CATS AND DOGS

            In ages past, there once existed an ancient city known as South Bork, located in the north regions of West Middle East. The city of South Bork was the cultural and scientific center of the world. It was so advanced that it has been said that the city’s lead scientists were on the verge of discovering why some humans have allergies to domesticated pet fur. They had huge laboratories full of thousands of well-kept and well-fed cats and dogs. Unfortunately, the Great Laboratory was destroyed in the largest flood the city of South Bork had ever seen. The population was decimated, the buildings were levelled, and although not many humans survived the disaster, not a single animal perished. The survivors told tales of how, amidst their fear and terror, they watched as the test animals doggie-paddled to safety. Therefore, when someone says that it is raining cats and dogs, they mean to tell you that although the apocalypse is approaching, you should look for the positive side in the disaster.

EYES BIGGER THAN YOUR STOMACH

            If you have ever heard anyone use this idiom in reference to you, I am so sorry. I, Master of All Knowledgeable Things Ever (which include medicine), regret to inform you that you have contracted a rare and serious disease. Magnisoculis is categorized by an uncontrolled growth of the eyes coupled with a proportionate shrinking of the stomach. There is currently no known cause or cure for this terrible, chronic disease. People who have been afflicted for years are plagued with tiny appetites and increased night vision. Eventually, a person with magnisoculis will progress until his stomach can hold no more than a pea, and until his eyes are the size of saucers. At this stage, patients prefer to stay out of sight of the public for fear of scaring others with their grotesque appearance. If you would like more information on magnisoculis and how to raise awareness for this dreadful malady, please visit this entirely real website: www.lookoutformagnisoculis.com.

CHARLIE HORSE

             Charles Phillip Edward Bartholomew III was the most famous racehorse of all time. If you have never heard of him, shame on you. He won the Kentucky Derby in 1874, and since then, his fame has stretched through the centuries. He became so famous that the press would not leave him alone, he had to attend several banquets and ceremonies every day. Soon, after about twelve years of this, Charles grew weary of his life in the limelight. He longed for his younger days when he could frolic in the green meadows and enjoy a cool drink with his friends on a Sunday afternoon. Therefore, he began to take a casual name, Charlie, in order to leave behind his prestigious pedigree. To this day, Charles Phillip Edward Bartholomew III still goes by Charlie (and actually will grow quite angry if you call him by his given name). This idiom is applicable to a person who rejects his or her fame to live a life of simple pleasures.

            I am sure that this educational piece has been very educational in educating you about education. Now you have even more items in your idiomatic arsenal to display with pride through your expansive and nearly boundless vocabulary. You are one step closer to becoming a Master of All Knowledgeable Things Ever. Go out into the world now and wield your idioms proudly.

By: the Master of All Knowledgeable Things Ever